As we celebrate moms around the world on Mother’s Day, with all the emotions I feel in life after loss, I’m mostly grateful for the 12 years of life that I lived with my mom. I celebrate the 41 years she brought love and light to the world and her legacy that lives on through my siblings and and so many others whose lives she touched.
In 2017 during a leadership training for seasoned and rising nonprofit leaders of color I met Melissa Pitts, Director of Programs at House of Ruth. We connected immediately sharing many things in common including our faith in Christ. We attended the same church without knowing; we were both former cheerleaders, and unfortunately we both lost our moms to death at 12 years old.
Over the last five years Melissa, daughter of Joanie Pagano and mother to Paul, Perri and Dominique has gathered a community of daughters who have lost their moms to death. Titled Forever Daughters. It takes place on the Friday before Mother’s Day to empower women to enter the weekend with support and a community who understands how hard it is to experience Mother’s Day without mom. The event welcomes women who share memories of their mom, express feelings, face grief and share support for one another with grace. I joined during the second year after meeting Melissa, and it’s been an annual event and tradition I look forward to whether on the beach, at her home or on across screens during the pandemic.
Although it’s a community that no one aspires to be a part of, it’s a needed space for those who continue living beyond their mom’s earthly existence. It’s a diverse community of women who lost their moms at various times in their lives from preteens to seniors. Some who would experience their first Mother’s Day without their mom this year and others who have relived the grief repeatedly more than 50 years.
Regardless of mother-daughter relationship dynamics, the event shows us each year clearly that Mother’s Day without a mom hurts no matter the length of time spent with mom or how much time has passed since their loss. We never stop loving, needing or missing our moms.
Although the moms represented are no longer with us in flesh, their legacy and “Pearls of Wisdom” live on.
In the words of Melissa “their advice lives and serves.” These were the greatest lessons learned from the moms of Forever Daughters in attendance at the 2021 event.
Always be a gracious hostess.
Take care of your family.
Let love lead your life.
Never let anyone tell you who you are.
Don’t tell your children no. Give them an alternative.
Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.
Anything you want and need from a man should be in addition to what you can do for yourself.
Be independent.
Be the best you.
Choose your battles; everything doesn’t call for disagreement.
If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.
Don’t just expect to get; be a giver.
Don’t take no shit.
Never be an open book.
Reflection is a staple of the event that provides women the opportunity to spend time alone and express themselves in writing. In my time I wrote the following tribute to my mom the late Cynthia Faye Miller. If your mom is still alive in the flesh, I encourage you to celebrate this day with her and be grateful for her.
Hugs & Handshakes,
Jasmine C. Tate
“Dear mom,
Everything a mother should be is what you were to me.
You gave to me reasons to smile, reasons to pray, reasons to sing, reasons to love, reasons to speak, reasons to think.
You showed me how to love, how to share, how to serve, how to lead.
You shaped me and allowed me to be me.
Because of you I am...
I am your forever daughter
Thank you for all you instilled in me.
Thank you for giving me wings and watching over me with yours.”