For 363 days a year I tell myself to be strong and grateful. Sometimes I have tough days and moments, but I pull myself together and move forward. Every year on April 21 and Mothers Day I give myself a pass to be weak, to think all the thoughts and feel all the feelings that come with losing a parent. After 15 years without my mom three feelings are most prominent. I’ve shared a raw picture of what that looks like and why in words below.

On most years I spend the anniversary of her death with family or doing something active, but in the midst of the pandemic and sheltering in place I’ve been coping in a cycle: think, pray, cry, sleep, eat, repeat, but this too shall pass.